I got very little sleep last night. I was awake until about 1:30am and then abruptly woke up at 4:30am. When I had finally fallen asleep it wasn't looking good but I was hopeful that maybe, just maybe, things would shift while I slept and that all would be fine when I woke. Little did I know how not fine things would be.
When I checked a couple of reputible pages on Facebook my heart sank. Just like it did in 2016, but this time it sank deeper and I was filled with even more dread than I was back then. I stared at my phone in utter disbelief. NPR and BBC were showing the horror of what had happened in the wee small hours of the morning as well. How could America choose such a horrible, hate filled man over such a kind, compassionate and experienced woman?
Evidently, stating where you can grab women wasn't a deal breaker. Sexual assult wasn't a deal breaker. The insurection wasn't a deal breaker. Racism wasn't a deal breaker. Mocking the disabled wasn't a deal breaker. Antisemitism wasn't a deal breaker. Being a 34 time convicted felon wasn't a deal breaker. But you know what was?
Being a woman.
The two times he's won was against incredibly qualified, intelligent women. Our country clearly does not value us women even if we are more qualified and better leaders than a man. And what's worse, the sheer number of white women who cast a vote for him. I will never get over that demographic showing up for him.
Never.
And so, I spent the day vacillating between sobbing and wanting to burn the whole place to the ground. I will never forget what it felt like to watch Obama win in 2008. Grace was two years old. Emma was nine months old. Hope was palpabble and joy was bubbling over. There was an energy in this country that I had never felt before and I was here for it. As I held tiny, baby Emma and watched the Obama family walk onto that stage that night I thought to myself: "I am so glad that this is the world that our girls will be growing up in". Little did we know that eight years later I would be crying myself to sleep fearing for what was to come, and that I would be doing so again eight years after that.
I am terrified and angry and disgusted and heartbroken.
Just like I will never get over the loss in 2016, I will also never get over this one.
To those who voted for him in 2016, 2020 and now 2024: you have made it plainly and abundantly clear what you stand for, what your beliefs and values are, and the sheer amount of kindness and compassion that you lack.
I hope it was worth it.
First, the pain and then the rising.
Today and tonight, we mourn.
We grieve.
We cry.
We scream.
Tomororw we ride.
XO
