I woke up this morning at 4:57am. This is normally not worth mentioning as I'm up around this time each day so that I can attend the 6:00am Pure Barre class. Today, however, it was even more fitting since it was forty years ago at 4:58am that I was born. Pretty wild that on this milestone birthday I'd wake at just about the time I was born. I laid in bed for a bit and contemplated the enormity of this. A new day. A new year. A new decade. And so it begins.
I've actually been pondering forty for awhile. My dearest friend and soul sister, Jannine, and I share a birthday. We've been friends since high school and are the yin to each other's yang. We've been looking forward to this day for a year (or maybe even two) now. There's something really exciting about turning forty. Something a little bit scary too but mostly it's exciting and we are determined to do forty proud.
On one hand I don't feel forty. In my mind I'm still 25. This is only complicated further when I realize that Grace turns ten in July. Ten?! How is that possible?! Surely I must have had her when I was fifteen! Though I suppose my own mama can't quite figure out how it is she has a daughter who's forty (and a granddaughter who's looking at ten) either!
On the other hand I'm very ready to be forty. I feel more confident about things than I ever have before. That's not to say I don't have times of doubt or worry or uncertainty, but more often than not I feel good about the decisions I've made, who I am and what I stand for. Some of this is turning forty. Some of this is due to Pure Barre. The two, however, are very intertwined. I'm stronger, healthier, and more confident thanks to the strength and confidence I found in that studio starting in January (and every day since). It's been incredible and life changing and inspiring and is all in the name of being forty and fabulous. I'm determined that this new decade will be my best, most healthy yet (and maybe I'll even master the split stretch while I'm at it, too)!
The things that seemed so important in my twenties and thirties are things that I'm ready to put behind me. Some of them were important, of course (marriage, infertility, babies, house buying) and some of them really weren't (friends who weren't really friends, weddings we weren't invited to, jobs that didn't pan out, bosses who used my sensitive nature against me, people who let me down). In preparation for turning forty I've done a lot of reflecting on the past. It's been very healing and a good way to get ready for this new chapter.
I said to my dear friend Rob (who I've known for twenty-one years and who spent the day sending me the most hysterically awesome birthday texts) that today arrived peacefully and without much fanfare. And initially I was a little bit sad that I wasn't having some kind of amazing celebration complete with pink glitter raining down from the ceiling. But as the day wore on I realized that it was the most perfect celebration of me and my forty years earthside. From starting my day at Pure Barre, to waffles for breakfast made by Dave, homemade cards from the girls, a surprise Wonder Woman cake made by my amazingly talented friend Sharon, flowers and a visit from my dear friend Jane, tacos for dinner, and the most incredible ice cream cake ever consumed shared with neighbors who have become some of our dearest friends (not to mention all the Facebook messages) this day was full of all my favorite things and people (though I still wouldn't mind copious amounts of pink glitter raining down on me)!
Thank you, friends and family, for making my birthday so incredibly special. Thank you for your sweet messages, your words of wisdom and your love, support and encouragement over the years. Thank you for making me laugh and making me cry. If today is any indication forty is going to be far more fabulous than I could possibly ever imagine! xo