Mercy

Sleep was hard to come by last night.  Thoughts kept drifting to Boston and the events of the day. This morning I felt (once again) like an empty shell of a human being. Walking around the house aimlessly. Constantly checking Facebook for updates only to find that nothing was any different from 30 seconds before when I last checked. It was then that a message arrived from my dearest friend.  "What are you and the girls up to today? She asked. "I need to get out of the house and enjoy life." Instantly I knew that she was struggling with the same emotions and compulsive Facebook checking that I was. We hatched a plan. Packed lunches. Got the kids ready and out in search of adventure we went...  

On our drive out to meet our friends at the chosen destination the girls and I had iTunes cranked up and on came "Mercy" by Dave Matthews Band. The lyrics are fabulous and very appropriate given the state of the world and the recent events that have transpired here in New England. Between those lyrics and spending the day watching these five littles live as joyfully as ever I started to feel better.  Still sad. Still heartbroken. But a wee bit better too. We need to do better. We need to find peaceful solutions instead of shooting each other or blowing each other up. Enough is enough. We need to be able to peacefully co-exist regardless of how upset or how different we may be. We need to play better in the sandbox with each other if for no other reason than so that these five littles (and the countless other children inhabiting our planet) can have the future they so richly deserve.  

For Boston

"Boston is a tough and resilient town. So are its people. I'm supremely confident that Bostonians will pull together, take care of each other, and move forward as one proud city. And as they do, the American people will be with them every single step of the way." —President Obama

The words of these two men are just what we who love (or live in) the city of Boston needed to hear today.  Marathon Monday is normally a fabulously joyous day where hard work and dedication are celebrated. Today started out as any other Marathon Monday but it surely did not end as such. As I result, I find myself heartbroken once again. Three months ago, I was rendered utterly speechless and totally heartbroken when my beloved home state was thrust into the news due to the tragic events that took place in Newtown. And now, here I am today feeling just as sad and disappointed in the world. Needless to say, Gandhi's words could have not have come at a better time. 

I am eternally grateful to know that all my friends and family are safe. And I am even more grateful that Dave was three days late in submitting his application to be part of the Boston Marathon medical tent staff this year. Otherwise, I would be going out of my mind with worry right about now. Thank you to everyone who has checked in on us and who has let us know that if we need anything they are here. We are fine. Heartbroken but fine nonetheless.  

For those wanting to do something the 26 Acts of Kindness Facebook page posted the message below:

The Boston community is in need of signs of love and support, and that's what we are all about. Please consider sending a card or hand written letter showing you care. These letters will be reviewed to make sure they are appropriate and then forwarded to the Boston community to pass out to whomever wants them. Do not send any donations at this time, this page is not authorized to collect on their behalf. We only want to show support and love through words and kind acts.

26 Acts of Kindness
PO Box 185083
Hamden, CT 06518

Together we can stand up for one another and spread love, not hate.

Sadness

Before I begin I should say that I have gone back and forth about posting something in this space, normally a place for peace and love, about the horrific events that took place in Connecticut yesterday.  After much contemplation I realized that I should go ahead and do so.  After all, had I maintained this blog during 9/11 I am sure that I would have written something about that fateful day back then.  

This has hit just a little too close to home for me.  First, it took place in my beloved home state.  A place I thought I would never leave.  That I would stay in and raise my children in and live out my days in (and who know, that may still happen). It took place a scant thirty miles from where I grew up and where my parents still live.  Second, it took place in an elementary school.  As a former elementary school teacher (one who would often times have to lead her students through lock-down drills) that made it all the harder.  Harder still was the notion that the children whose lives were lost, or, for the survivors, those whose lives were forever changed yesterday, are the same ages as my girls.  Kindergartners and first graders.  The idea that that could have been them yesterday absolutely rendered me a puddle.  If Grace and Emma were children who attended school, even though we are up here in Massachusetts, I know that I would have sped to wherever they were yesterday and pulled them out just to have them near me.  

I had to walk away from the computer yesterday.  I had so sign out of Facebook and find other ways to keep busy 'cause if I had stayed longer than I did (which was longer than I initially planned, mind you) I would have become more of a puddle than I already was.  The President's speech totally did me in.  The shock was palpable from each status update I read.  My heart was broken.  My stomach in knots.  I cannot imagine what I would be like had I known someone who was personally living this hell.  In an attempt to find normal in a day that was anything but we took the girls to the Christmas event at Old Sturbridge Village.  Being transported to the 1830s, when events of this nature did not take place, was a great escape, even if it was only for a few hours.  

Sleep last night was not to be had.  I tossed and turned, my thoughts constantly returning to those in Connecticut (who surely were finding sleep hard to come by as well). Around 4:30am I finally gave up and checked in with the world.  With CNN.  With Facebook.  In the quiet of the morning, while I lay next to Dave, and the girls were asleep down the hall, tears quietly trickled down my face.  There are families that will never have that again.  

So today we shall continue in our gentle ways.  We will figure out how to spread just a little more love.  How we can send a just little more joy and peace out in to a world in such desperate need of it.

"This morning, I want to keep our spaces sacred and fill them up with love.  May those suffering pain, fear, sadness and anger be held in the light, and may we all hope an strive for a little more compassion, love and peace in the days to come." -Amanda Soule