Thursday, July 29, 2010

An Ending and a Beginning

Yesterday before Dave left for work I had him bring up all the girls outgrown baby clothes.  After over a year of going back and forth on whether or not to have another baby it has been decided that we will remain a family of four.  And while I have had a hard time accepting this (I hit rock bottom twice over it. It was not pretty) I finally was done crying the other day and realized that I could either remain beyond sad about what will never be or bask in the fabulousness that is my amazing daughters and incredible husband (even if we are on different pages about this). 

So, with Mary heading to Long Island for the weekend, and her sister Sue being one of the only mamas I know who has a little girl that would fit in the bulk of these clothes, I offered to send then down with Mary for her.  This meant the girls and I had to go through them before Aunt Mimi left for her trip.  So up come the bins.  The girls, especially Grace, loved seeing the clothes they wore when they were babies (and beyond)! 

First batch going to Susie. 

Empty bins are lots of fun!

The clothes that I will be using to make each girl a patchwork quilt of their baby clothes. In addition to the quilts, I will be tucking away some very special dresses and outfits for if/when they have daughters of their own.  

The top two bins are going to Susie, and the bottom bin will most likely head to my friend Annie's La Leche League Tag Sale.  

You never know what you will find in giant bins.  The Wonder Woman cape was mine when I was little. 

"Flap your wings, Emma!"  
Going through the bins was much. much easier than I had anticipated.  It was fun to walk down memory lane with the girls, tell them stories and remember them being much smaller than they are now. It's crazy how fast time has gone.  It's crazy to think we won't be using these clothes again. I think I had an easy time of it since I knew that these clothes were going to Susie (we sent her three 28 gallon bins of clothes), who not only would enjoy them but who is also like a sister to me.  And it helps knowing some will turn into some very special quilts someday soon too. There will indeed always be a hole in my heart left by the feeling that someone is missing.  And I will always wonder what it's like to "know" when you are done.  I am a very lucky girl though. I have two of the most incredible daughters ever, and even though I am sad that Dave and I are not on the same page with this big decision, I am so lucky to have a husband that will give the three of us girls the world!  I love our life and wouldn't have it any other way.  

So, while one chapter was closing another was about to open.  I was thrilled to get word today that I was accepted into the Midwives' College of Utah!  Provided we can figure out tuition, I will begin work on my Masters in Midwifery in September.  I will do all my academic courses online and apprentice with a  midwife starting in roughly a year.  The best part of this whole thing is that I can go at my own pace and we can continue to live the incredible life we live.  The icing on the cake was that during my interview (with the president of the college!) she did not bat an eyelash at the idea that we are intending to homeschool the girls.  Apparently, we are not the first family to homeschool and have mama taking midwifery classes!  Fabulous!

I leave you with this very fitting quote from the movie Hope Floats: "Beginnings are scary, endings are sad but its the middle that counts!"  That about sums up life around here.  :)


  1. Aww Shelley! What a bittersweet post. I am so happy for your new beginning in midwifery. Can't wait to watch your journey. I understand the wanting of a special someone who is just out of reach. I have had those incredible urges twice before, and I occasionally pine to adopt someone who desperately needs love. But I know that my husband is done. So I have to keep that urge buried. Sometimes it's hard and I get caught up in the day dream of it. But like you I steady my eyes and refocus on what I have right in front of me. I understand then that this is what matters most.

  2. Oh, Kim, I am so glad to know that I am not the only one that has had this happen to them. I feel like more often than not mamas get to "know" that they are done. I so wish that I had known that Em was it. It certainly would have made it less tear filled when the time came. Thanks for your kind words and understanding, It makes it easier when there are others who have walked in your shoes. At least it always makes me feel less lonely to know that others have felt the same way! I feel so lucky for all we have. We might not be rolling in dough but if love, joy and happiness count for anything we certainly are trilionaires! :)